I'm Sorry, Bacardi, but you're ruining the Mardi Party.

Alright. Let's make a timeline of the last 6 months in relation to the situation in New Orleans.

August 2005: Hurricane Katrine hits Louisiana and Missippi; New Orleans is hit the worst when its levees break and hundreds of thousands are forced from their home and/or killed. The response to this hurricane crisis, especially on the federal side of things, is inexplicably slow and nonchalant, even though "Brownie is doing a heck of a job." On a star-studded event raising money for hurricane victims, recording artist Kanye West accuses George Bush of not caring about black people. He is correct.

September 2005: Regugees from the hurricane devastation are housed throughout the country. Universities around the U.S. take in students from colleges in the New Orleans area, stadiums and private houses open their doors to those displaced by the hurricane.

October 2005: The New Orleans Hornets and the New Orleans Saints, of the NBA and NFL, respectively, are forced to relocate, as the hurricane has done so much damage to New Orleans that it would be impossible to play there.

November 2005 - January 2006: Shit is still fucked up because of the hurricane.

February 2006 - As Mardi Gras approaches, many wonder what New Orleans, the traditional capital of Fat Tuesday Partying, will do for the holiday. New Orleans announces that it will hold celebrations, though limited in scope when compared to years past. Britney Spears will return to her home city for the celebration.

And, in the midst of it all, Bacardi introduces this:



A simple mixture of Bacardi Rum and Hawaiin Punch, occasionally served with a lemon, Bacardi markets the drink as part of its 'Bacardi Gras' campaign, naming it . . . . . .


The Bacardi HURRICANE










What's next? The Smirnoff Katrina?

Justice is Blind, Jesus Had Children, and People are Idiots.

MSNBC is reporting this story from London about the latest controversy over the *yawn* bestselling book The DaVinci Code. It seems that two English chaps think that Daniel Brown stole from their book The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail, a non-fiction book from 1982 which theorized that Jesus knew Mary Magdalene in the biblical sense -- even marrying her and settlin' down -- just as The DaVinci Code does. The 1982 book also theorized that Jesus didn't die on the cross, but instead went to gay ol' Paris and lived out the rest of his life.

“[Jesus moving the France] is not an idea that I would ever have found appealing. Being raised a Christian and having sung in my Church choir for 15 years, I’m well aware that Christ’s crucifixion is the very core of the Christian faith,” Brown said, adding, "Plus, Jesus definitely hates France. Definitely."*

Now, excuse me if I'm being ignorant, but isn't The DaVinci Code a FICTION book? And Holy Blood a NON-FICTION book? We were just painfully reminded of the differences between these two during the Oprah-James Frey embarrassment, but let's go over it again. A NON-FICTION book says what is, or could be the truth; that is, it postulates or reports the truth. A FICTION book, often called a 'novel,' often bases itself in reality, but contains characters, a plotline, and a story which never, ever happened. Novels can contain statements or theories that are true, however.

Now, far be it for me to argue that there is anything original in The DaVinci Code; I regard it as typical bestselling fiction, good for a quick read and not too thematically or otherwise deep. And the concept of a Catholic conspiracy is about as outdated as a Family Guy pop culture reference. But if an author is no longer allowed to read a couple books on a subject and use the information contained within to fill the bulk of his book, then what the hell are Tom Clancy and Michael Crichton going to do? Isn't this a bit like textbook publisher Houghton and Mufflin suing the writers of Saving Private Ryan for suggesting that D-Day was on June 6, 1944?












*He didn't actually say that last part.

HIM, Too Many Bracelets and 15-Year-Olds

I was randomly searching on Wikipedia (PowerSearching, if you will) and came across the "Making Out Page".
Not only is it informative to this strange behaviour. It has the best picture in the world...

(oh, and I love "No Rights Reserved". The picture's from Wikipedia anyway)

Such Wit!

I read about this on BoingBoing. It really makes me wonder if the carpet matches the drapes...

Lemme Axe You Sum'in

My parents, and other people I hate, love to make fun of people when they say "axe" instead of "ask." And who can blame them, I guess - it does sound kind of funny. But these people I hate, they see "axe" as a sure sign of someone's inferior intelligence - some disgusting mutation of the English language that needs to be stopped before we all go to hell in a hand basket.

Now, maybe the Middle Ages was a bit like hell in a hand basket (what the hell does that mean, anyway), but it turns out that "axe" in place of "ask" has historical precedent. I acknowledge, also, that Middle English sounds pretty gosh-darn funny, but this is for all the people I hate.

"But I axe why the fifthe man
Was noon housbonde to the Samaritan"

-The Wife of Bath's Prologue, from The Canterbury Tales (lines 21-22)

Now try calling Geoffrey Chaucer an illiterate moron. It turns out "mo'" instead of "more" has the same sort of historical precedent - a few lines later, the wife uses it a couple times. Maybe Ebonics didn't evolve from slaves mixing their African syntax with an English vocabulary. Maybe Chaucer is the gret-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather of modern urban slang.

Alright, America

We've already talked about how mad I am about things like this, but I've found something else that just takes the fucking cake as far as poor taste is concerned. Check it out:








That's right. Donnie "Marky Mark's Older Brother" Whalberg. The guy kind of just pisses me off by himself, but now he makes me even angrier. Naturally, his new mini-series is not going to be good, but more importantly, and call me a prude if you want to, it's not appropriate. I think there are some things you shouldn't try to capitalize on, and if you're going to, do it with some reverence - don't make it a fucking mini-series on network television.

Also, don't let the guy who directed this and the guy who starred in this make a movie about this. It will probably end up looking like this. Which, in 2007, will leave me like this.

Please people, for the sake of us all, stop leaving our history in the hands of these people. When you do, we end up with this.